Thinking About Not Meeting Someone on a Dating Website

by Jonathan Gerard
Thinking About It
April 2015

I’m thinking about not meeting someone on a dating website. But how do you do that when everyone is always looking down at their dating website machines. Hey! Look up! Look at me. Here I am. Hi. I have ideas about cool movies that’ll never get made, or inventions that incorporate rubber bands. I can tell you about my favorite 80’s cartoon with girl bands who have pink hair, and I’ll even give you a Top Ten List if you want—Top Ten Hair Colors You’ve Never Tried, Top Ten Ways to Break Up with Your Ex, Top Ten Movie Sequels that Are So Bad, They’re Actually Amazing. I don’t care. Just look at me.

Look at me.

Please.

Some dating websites are disguised as non-dating websites. Like, you’re supposed to meet up with a group of likeminded people and have a fun activity, but no one would actually be there if they weren’t looking to date. I went to one called, “Mindfulness in the City,” but it turned out to be a sex club. It seems harmless, but I would almost prefer it if they’d call themselves a dating site since that’s what they really are.

I don’t know. Maybe I should’ve been born in the 20’s, or another species, like a butterfly or a wooly mammoth. They don’t have dating websites. They only have their instinct, and the great, big ocean.

I just want to go swimming. I want to fly away. I don’t want be anywhere where people are staring at their Chuck Taylor’s and the dirty ground. The world is so beautiful, and I just want someone to experience it with.